Falling
by BrookePeytonHaley
Summary: After the death of her son, Haley is on the fast track of losing it. And Dean is trying everything to get her to understand they need each other to make it though this hard time, but Haley continues to pull away, which might lead to Dean losing everything


**I know I'm starting too many projects, but this one is short. It will only have 5 parts. And I'm very sure, it will be done! That's the only reason, I'm doing it. This is based on my Falling video. :)**

**Author's note:** Okay, so I'm not 100% sure about this. I like some of the wording, but not all of it. Also, since I had more creative freedom with writing, than I do with vidding, this is a little different from the video. Maybe a lot different. Depends on how you see it. Like I said, I'm planing on five parts and I'm sorry if this sucks. But I'm just going with it at the best of my abilities at the moment. This is short because I didn't really have any clues on how to include denial in this, so... Yea. I hope someone likes this. :) Anyways, here's my first part to Falling (ff edition).

**DENIAL & ISOLATION**

_"I never thought. I'd feel this. Guilty and I'm_  
_Broken down inside. Living with myself_  
_Nothing but lies"_

Haley sat on her son's twin bed. His favorite blue dinosaur rested in her hands. The memories of her son filled her mind. His small smile, his beautiful green eyes, the sound of his small feet running across the hardware floors, his laughter all clouded her mind. The tears built up and fell. She slowly lays her head on her son's blue pillow, the dinosaur laid tightly against her heart. She stared at the wall, but didn't see it. Instead she saw passed it. She saw her hopes and dreams, her emotions, her Jamie. They are danced around, so out of touch with her body. She didn't feel one damn thing besides the crushing pain of losing the only thing that give her hope, that was her life.

"Haley?" Sam asked softly from behind her.

She barely heard him. "What?" She asked, her voice low, and it betrayed the fact that she had been crying.

"Are you going to eat?"

Haley quickly wiped a tear that fell. She wasn't in the mood for food nor conversation for that matter. "No."

"Hales..." Sam began softy.

"I said no!" Haley cut him off, her voice breaking as the tears kept falling.

Sam inhaled slowly. His eyes searched his nephew's room and for a moment he smiled. The blue themed room could always put a smile on his face. It reminded him that maybe one person in the Winchester family could actually have something normal. That maybe one Winchester wasn't cursed after all. But now standing in it, Haley laying on the bed, a broken hearted mess, and Jamie no where in sight bought him back to reality. No Winchester will ever be safe. They will always know the feeling of losing someone they loved and they will always be cursed. That thought erased the smile from Sam's face.

He looked back at Haley, "When you're ready to eat, I'll make you something. Okay?" Sam soft voice asked.

Haley didn't reply and Sam didn't push to get a simple okay out of her. Instead he just took her silence as an understanding and left.

Haley's silent tears broke into sobbing. She curled up and tightly held the dinosaur against her chest. Her sobbing got worst and worst, breathing becoming nearly impossible and before she knew it she passed out.

"Haley?" A voice cut in on Haley's dreamless slumber. "Haley? Hales? Wake up." The blackness of her dream consumed her, the voice was getting fainter. "Haley. Please, wake up." she could barely make out the voice and before she knew it she couldn't hear the voice anymore. She was surrounded around blackness and dead silence.

_"I feel numb. I can't come to life._  
_I feel like. I'm frozen in time."_

The blinding sun drew Haley out of her deep slumber. Something didn't feel right. She sat up and looked around. She was no longing in her son's bed, but in her own. Dean was no where in sight and neither was the blue dinosaur. She pulls the blanket away, her first thought was to go and get that blue dinosaur. But when she step down off the bed, she fell. Her head was spinning and her stomach was groaning. The pain she felt was unreal, a small scream escaped her. She hadn't eaten in a least four days and her body definitely wasn't handling it well. Even with her stomach groaning, her head spinning, and a 'someone is reaching inside you and ripping you apart' pain; her only thought was to get to that blue dinosaur. She slowly got up, using the bed as her main support system, than using anything she could hold onto, as she made her way to her son's room.

The dinosaur still laid on Jamie's bed. She leaped to it and held it close to her, like it was the only thing keeping her alive. In many ways it was, but in most ways it was the only thing keeping her son a live. She made it downstairs, the house was empty. She would usually love that fact. But not anymore because this is how it would be from now on, no small feet running across the floor or laughter. She would rather have feet running across the floor and laughter than silence and knowing she couldn't have that anymore killed her. She walked into the kitchen, laying on the counter was a note from Dean:

Haley,

Sam and I will be back ASAP. We have something we need to take care of...

-Dean

Haley felt a hatred boil under the surface of her already messed up emotions. She could bet money, this 'something we have to take care of' dealt with a hunt and yet not even a few weeks ago he lost his son. But would always find something to do besides being here. Even before Jamie's death. He should have been here to protect his son. He said he would protect his family and yet when he was needed he wasn't there.

Haley crumbled the note up and went to the cabinet to get some crackers. She looked at the clock on the microwave, it read 5:30 pm. She ate about 4 crackers before she couldn't eat anymore and decided she needed something to drink. She grabbed her black jacket, that Jamie picked out for her, the blue dinosaur, threw on tenis shoes, grabbed her keys, and headed to the nearest liquor store.

_"Living in a world so cold._  
_Wasting away. Living in a shell_  
_With no soul. Since you've gone away_  
_Living in a world so cold. Counting the days_  
_Since you've gone away."_

When she got home, Sam was at the computer and Dean was passed out on the couch. She remembered when she used to find this scene funny and adorable. Now she just found it annoying and somewhat rude. She rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs. She entered Jamie's room, closed the door, slid down it until her butt hit the ground, and place the bag to her side and the dinosaur on her lap. She took a bottle of hard vodka out of the bag, twisted the cap and chugged it. When the taste set in on her taste buds, she gagged. She set the bottle down and looked around the blue room. She closed her eyes and laid her head back. Memories of her baby clouded her mind and for the first time in weeks she smiled. His smile, his green eyes, his sandy blonde hair, She could see it all. Than her eyes opened and all her eyes saw was what her baby left behind. She grabbed the bottle and started chugging again, but this time she didn't stop. until she felt herself need to vomit. And as soon as that feeling passed, she started to chug again. She just kept going like this until the bottle was empty. She got up, locked the door, and lopped herself onto Jamie's bed, the dinosaur held closely to her chest and closed her eyes. A part of her hoped the amount of vodka she took in and the little she had eaten would kill her before morning.

But instead all she did was throw up for the next couple of hours and thank God, that there was a trash can next to Jamie's bed. By 4:30, she couldn't take it anymore and got up to go get something to eat. She downed another 4 crackers and couldn't eat anymore. She looked out the window over the sink and saw the underground pool she and Dean put in for Jamie's birthday, the same pool Jamie lost his life in. She sat the crackers down and went out to it.

Dean's eyes opened, something didn't feel right. He turned his head to see if Haley was next to him and when she wasn't he toss the blanket back and quickly got up. He went to Jamie's room and seem his door cracked open. Dean felt his heart drop. He slowly opened the door, to find an empty room with a sour smell. The smell hit him hard and had him gagging. He closed the door, knowing Haley was no longer in there.

He traveled down the stairs, the house was dark. The only light came from the kitchen.

"Haley?" He questioned, softly and a little uneasy.

Dean entered the kitchen to find a pack of crackers laying on the counter and nothing else.

But than something caught his eye from the window. He got closer to see Haley standing next to the poor that their son lost his life in. Her express looked far away and for a moment he thought she was going to jump. But than she looked towards the window and he knew she saw him. He quickly looked away. When he felt it was safe to look back at her, she was no longer looking in his direction. He stared at her, the women who has been though hell and back with him, who said she would love him til the end of time. And yet the last couple of weeks, she hadn't been herself, it was like she died with Jamie. God knew a part of him died with Jamie, but she was different and he had the feeling he had lost her, emotionally and mentally, and he had a gut feeling he was going to lose her physically as well. So when she looked back in his direction, he didn't look away but locked eyes with her. He wasn't going to let her go, she was the only thing keeping him from drinking himself into a coma. Maybe she had already let go, he honestly had no clue, since she has been so distance. But he needed her to know he was still there and they were going to get through this together. They had to get though this.

_"Do you ever feel me. Do you ever look._  
_Deep down inside. Staring at your life._  
_Paralyzed."_

**Song:** _World so Cold_

**Artist:** _3 Days Grace_

_**Review. Hope you enjoy. :)**  
_


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